So Much for That Idea

The only time we let the boys eat in the living room is when we have pizza on Saturdays for movie night. But this afternoon felt sort of special. Pete’s on vacation and George was taking a nap, so Frank was enjoying some rare one-on-one time with dad. They were playing the Spiderman Playstation game he got for Christmas, and I suggested he could use the McDonald’s card he also got for Christmas to buy a happy meal and they could sit in the living room and play video games. I thought he’d jump at the opportunity. I was wrong. He informed me that his “motor skills aren’t good enough to eat and play video games at the same time.”

We sat at the table while we ate our hamburgers.

Santa Confusion

We don’t really talk much to Frank and George about Santa. I mean, we read stories about him and take them to Santa’s Village to sit on his lap and get their picture taken and stuff like that. But we never talk to them specifically about Santa bringing them (or not bringing them) presents. I guess it’s mostly because I feel confused about Santa. It’s a fun tradition, I loved waiting for him to come on Christmas Eve, and I want my boys to have fun with it too. But I don’t ever want my kids to ask me why Santa didn’t bring them a trampoline or a 4-wheeler or some other awesome toy like he brought the neighbors, you know what I mean? So I don’t push Santa.

But lately I’ve been wondering what Frank thinks about it all. So I told him that some kids believe Santa is real and some think he isn’t real, and I asked him what he thought. He mulled it over for a second and said, “I think he isn’t real. “ That sort of surprised me because even though I’ve never pushed Santa, I’ve also never said anything to make them not believe.

But then he went on, “I think some guy just puts on a costume and a fake beard and takes the presents to all the houses.” Now I was really intrigued. He understands that Santa himself is an unrealistic fairy tale, but still thinks that someone other than mom and dad is delivering presents? So then I asked him how that guy in the costume gets all the presents to all the kids’ houses? Again he thought for a second and decided, “I think he probably drives a van that has reindeer painted on it.”

I see my own Santa confusion has rubbed off on him. So now I’m trying to decide if I should continue to let a stranger in a Santa costume, driving an awesome custom van with airbrushed reindeer, get all the credit for what’s under the tree Christmas morning.

I think he may have a future in stand-up

Frank hates his winter coat. It's his fault - he picked it out. It's big and bulky and looks adorable on him, but he whines and complains whenever I make him wear it. The last time I made him put it on, Grandma was here and we had been telling "why did the chicken cross the road" jokes. So I tell him he has to wear it; he starts whining and says, "I hate that thing! It makes me look big and fat and stupid!" And George immediately asks us all, "Why did the big fat stupid cross the road?"

We were laughing so hard we nearly missed the punchline: "Because it ran out of biscuits."

And here are some of the others we came up with that had us laughing like a bowl full of idiots...

Q: Why did the seal cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the tanner cross the tannery?
A: To get to the other hide.

And my personal favorite...

Q: Why did the egg do a flip in the pan?
A: To get the other side fried.

Teenagers are Boring

Frank is obsessed with being a teenager. He thinks when you're a teenager you're all grown up and the epitome of coolness. When he doesn't want to wear something I've picked out for him, I just tell him it's what teenagers wear and viola...problem solved.

But I don't know what was going on in that strange head of his yesterday. Colby was tossing the football with me, but Frank didn't want to play catch. He kept saying, "Come on, Colby, let's go do something boring like teenagers do." I finally asked what kind of boring thing he wanted to do. He thought for a second and said, "Lay on my bed and pat my belly." Yup, that would be pretty boring.