So I think I solved two big problems this week. (Knock on wood, I don't want to jinx it by celebrating too soon.)
Okay, first problem: Boys are disgusting. And there is no solution for that. After a good year and a half of trying, without one single instance of success, to get my children to pee in the toilet instead of all around it, including on walls and shower curtains, I finally had to admit defeat. We decided it just isn't feasible to expect little boys to be clean or hygienic or anything less than repugnant. So, after some scheming and strategizing, we came up with a new plan of attack. Maybe if we couldn't teach them to be clean, we could teach them to clean up after themselves. So we introduced them to the Clorox wipes, taught them to close the tub so they don't dry out, made sure to mention they are not under any circumstances to be flushed, and that they have to wash their hands after using because of the mysterious-and-feared chemicals on them. Six days into it, there are no soap puddles on the counter, no globs of toothpaste in the sink, and most amazingly of all, no urine-soaked stenches emanating from their bathroom. Looks like I won't have to dig a latrine in the backyard after all.
Problem the second: Since Elaine's birth, my biggest concern each day has been "How and when will I shower today?" You would not believe (or maybe you would) the amount of plotting and planning required to make sure my daily toilette wasn't accompanied by Elaine sobbing and screaming outside the bathroom door. I thought I had all the time in the world today to shower, that it could wait until her nap. But a little after 10, I remembered I had a piano student coming in less than an hour. I was almost in a panic, until I had the most amazing idea. I took the toilet paper off the roll and put it up on the sink, along with the trashcan, used a laundry basket to weight down the toliet lid, left the door open for Elaine, and hopped into the shower. It worked like a charm - even had an unexpected reverse-psychology effect. I thought she would pull back the curtain and jibber-jabber to me the whole time, but since she knew she wasn't locked out, she didn't even want to be there. I heard the pitter patter of little feet a few times, I assume she was just checking up on me, but mostly she stayed in the living room and played. THIS IS GOING TO BE LIFE CHANGING FOR ME!!! I wish I'd thought of it three babies ago.
For those of you with baby boys, may I share a bit of wisdom that I really wish someone had shared with me: Teach them to pee sitting down.
